Isn't that lucky, then? It seems Jack signed his own death sentence when he told Angel to get in touch with them, to befriend them in a way that he thought wouldn't be real but ended up being real, at least to Angel. It seems they saved her, and Ratonhnhaké:ton, at least, is very grateful for it. Without them, she undoubtedly wouldn't have been the same.
Sometimes, you simply aren't strong enough. And that's all right.
"No." He idly brushes his fingers through her hair, and places a kiss on her forehead. "You are not pathetic. We are always stronger together."
When she only had Jack, how difficult would it be to fight against his words? When it was all she ever heard? She thought she was doing the right thing. Then she learnt differently, and decided to see to it herself that it ended. All the while knowing it would cost her her life.
Her eyes close, as he kisses her, her head tilting up in her neediness of that affection. Everything she had been denied, so freely given, because he would never think to not. Her forehead to his, her fingers curling against his cheek and through his hair. The low, slow lungfuls of him she draws in, letting it settle into her bones like the absolution she knew she never deserved.
If you ask him, it's very simple. He thinks she deserves it, and so she does. It is affection he chooses to give. Then it only seems right that he decides who has earned it.
"I hope I can one day teach you to."
With enough time, enough words and kisses and touches, he hopes she can one day forgive herself for what she has done, decide that she too deserves a second chance to do better. And she shows time and time again that she wants to do better. One day, he hopes she will understand how much that matters.
She can't be too morose with him too long - or, no, no that's not true. Jack never let her wallow in his presence. She had to be happy, no matter what he did, had to be pleased, and now that state to please others was ingrained deeply. Reaching up with a small smile, to tuck a piece of escaped hair behind his ear.
"I'll settle for having pretty hair like yours, in the meantime."
Because if nothing else, his smile did her wonders, it always did, knowing she made him happy. Reaching for a strand of his hair that had gotten so much longer than since she first met him, to draw it down and catch it between her upper lip and below her nose. Scrunching them both up to make it stay put. Like it was her own moustache. "Does it suit me?"
Is she done speaking, then? Or simply felt that she'd bothered him enough, waking him up and taking up so much of his time. She might truly be tired of lingering more on the matter, to be weighed down by things that truly cannot be fixed.
The smile doesn't really comfort him, nor does her choice to start making jokes. But she looks pretty ridiculous, and he snorts in amusement, his lips spreading wide enough to bare teeth.
It's so good, makes her happy as she can muster to be, when he smiles. Knowing that she made him smile. Letting the bit of hair go because she can't keep up the face when she smiles back. Instead letting it go free, reaching up to cup his temples again, smoothing them back so she could do the thing she loves most, just looking at him.
"That makes sense. I don't think there is anyone better for me in the whole galaxy."
He moves one hand to put it over hers, fingers curling around her palm. That seems very difficult to accomplish. He may not know how big a galaxy is, but he knows that it's bigger than a planet, and can thus realistically hold more people. Surely, she could have found someone else that is at least equally as good for her.
But he will take the compliment, as he closes his eyes to enjoy her touch.
"How many people are there in a whole galaxy?"
It wouldn't surprise him if she actually had a number.
She doesn't think so. She doesn't think there will ever be anyone else like him she'd ever meet. No matter what. She knew he didn't see himself that way. He would always be one of those people. He was as bright as a star. Giggles, softly, quietly, and yes it's tired. It's so tired, and not half as bright as she usually is with him especially. But maybe that's a sign too, for anyone else, the facade would slip in quickly, pretend nothing bothered her. No matter how sad she was.
"Is that a trick question?" She kisses him slowly, a nibbled, nuzzled thing where she catching his lower lip between hers to warm him as he did her before she falls back softly into the pillows with her hair around her head. "There are as many people in the galaxy as there are stars. An infinite, ever-expanding, ever-decreasing number. You can never put a number on it."
His smile widens when she kisses him, as he sinks deeper into the mattress, warm and comfortable and content enough in the thought that she seems to feel a little better. Not entirely, but a little. They could probably both use some more sleep.
"And you are prepared to dismiss them all?"
He shifts to follow her, to nuzzle into her hair as he wraps both an arm and a leg around her. Even if she seems happier, he will keep holding her, because that truly is the least he can do.
It squishes her flat into him, and any other time she might squeak and wriggle, just to prove a point. Tickle him with her fur that was often her best allie and greatest cause of being squished to begin with when he just wanted to snuggle in.
But right now she just... does nothing but appreciate it. Let him hold her as tight as he wants, she just burrows and curls in right back. Rubbing her face into his neck and shoulder, letting her tail drape and wrap around his ankle as his leg curves over her.
"All of them. No matter what the universe gave me, I think I'd always pick you." She searched his gaze, not for some truth or answer, but simply to look at him, and just him. "You changed me. You made me believe it didn't... it didn't have to be like this. Just like Roland did. But... but I get to like who I am with you."
That's a start, at least. That she can likes the person she is with him. It could be sad, that she doesn't feel the same around others, but he knows just what that's like. While Charles Lee was still alive, he was a very different person while doing work for the Brotherhood from when he was at the homestead. Sometimes it takes a while to work out how to be someone you like anywhere.
"Then I'm glad." He pauses for a moment, as he bends down to rub his nose against hers. "I think I would pick you too."
Her eyes stay low, watching his mouth, not to contemplate kissing him, though she often does that, and probably always will at least a little. But no, just to watch him say those words. His choice. She was his choice, just like he was hers, and that was wonderful.
Even if Jacob had left her with a niggling doubt.
She's silent for a while, just watching him, tracing him, knowing him. Touching all that she can, in a way that for her of all people is particularly special.
Which in a predictable fashion that this is neither the time, nor place, ( if there ever could be one ), but the thought had stuck her for awhile. So it comes up like it always does with her. All at once. Meeting his gaze and not disentangling from him, just kept running her fingers through his hair. because in her mind, it really is just a question, and he probably wouldn't have had kissed her along with everything else if he felt one way over another about it.
"Connor..." She nibbles a second, contemplative. "Do you like guys too? Or just women?"
The question seems so different from anything they've talked about so far that Ratonhnhaké:ton is a little surprised. Although, he supposes it's not that different from talking about how they'd gladly choose to be with each other again.
He considers it for a moment, if only because it's not something he really has considered. Relationships have always been out of his reach, impossible because so much else has always occupied his time. He idly traces Angel's jaw with his fingertips, and shrugs.
"I have never fallen for a man, but that does not mean I couldn't."
Angel is essentially the first person he has ever been interested in like that, and now, she's the only one he really thinks about like that.
She nods, slowly, taking that in. This was something like the other times, that she is worried about misunderstandings from one world to another, as those were only bound to happen when apparently seeing people in... shorts? was enough to get you married? Whatever.
But more personal than that. Angel nodded, following along with his answer. "You know it's okay, if you wanted too, right? Like if there was a guy, and you really want to... you know, with him? I don't mind, I'll never be bothered. Life in the galaxy is strange, so you should take the chances you get to do things you want to."
Except, somewhere underneath them, under the blankets, her tail twitched, a little flustered as something that rumbled in her chest. "I just... well, I want to come first with you, I know that much. Just let me know, if there is anyone else you might be serious about. That... other bit feels weird, sometimes. I mostly tell it to shut up, though, because it'd be hypocritical when I like men and women too."
Frankly, he's not so sure he would want to. Angel comes first and she doesn't need to ask for that, even if he's glad that she feels comfortable enough around him that she can do that. When, in the past, she'd seemed to think that he was settling for less than what he wanted with her.
His first instinct is still to reassure her, but the next moment he realises that she's not selling herself short by telling him this. She's truly beginning to understand how important she is to him.
"Same to you," he says instead, because that only seems fair.
As much as Angel tries to hide it, her body language tends to speak for itself, not to mention the few occasions she even growls. She couldn't have kept it from him if she tried.
She hides her face with a guilty little laugh. Nuzzling into him in comfort as much as the twinge of that shame. She really hoped he hadn't. She never wanted to make him feel uncomfortable. Which was probably ridiculous in hindsight but, still.
"It gets worse when my hunger gets bad. Or when I'm in animal form. It just doesn't trust anyone else near you... if I don't know them, anyway. It just wants to keep you safe with me, always, where I can... well I think mostly just lick your face and groom your hair" Though, she never considered that, "someone mentioned I look like a uhm... like a bull? Or a ... deer? Or something? That they like to be together in groups? Not that I think so, now that I've seen your Stag. He looked more like Nisha."
"Herd traits." She can't help another giggle. "How does that work for a person that comes from a planet with nothing but predators?"
But she supposed it made sense, that she wanted to be around people. Keep them safe. Keep them near, when she was never allowed to be near anyone.
"Well, as long as everyone knows you're mine, if not, I'll nip them." She clicked her teeth in a snap next to his ear. Joking, mostly. It's not like Connor ever invited anyone to touch him that he didn't want and that he wasn't really, that interested in sex unless he cared about a person.
Predators would move in packs, but then again, considering how often it seems that predators eat their own on Pandora ... Perhaps the herd and pack traits he's used to don't really apply to Pandora.
He huffs quietly in amusement with a shake of his head, and then leans in to nip her ear.
Guiltlessly, at least for this, she sighs when he does. Her body going lax into the bed below her. Warm and comfortable she doesn't want to move, not least because of him.
"I love when you're on top of me. You're so warm and comfortable and heavy. It makes me feel so... Still." It's not deliberately teasing or suggestive, even if it's a whisper next to his ear. It's just how she feels, and that it is all she wants.
Good to know, because otherwise he might worry he's too heavy. There's a quiet hum of thought as he wraps his arms tighter around her, almost squeezing her against himself.
"Perhaps I should lie on your more often."
Especially when she's having a bad day. He'll remember that.
She puffs out a happy little noise against his ear as he grips her. Hours ago, she'd felt miserable and alone... but then, he was there. Like he was always there, and it still hurt. It still hurt to know so much, that she'd lost a friend.
But no longer was she alone.
"I feel like this is going to backfire on me one day... but yes, definitely. You can't squish me too much, after all, my bones are denser than yours."
Here in lay the good thing about having a monster for a girlfriend: she was damn sturdy.
"That is very convenient, because your fur is comfortable."
So that sounds great to him. He sleeps better on top of her too, if only because he can bury his nose in that fur and it soothes any storm raging inside him and quiets any racing thoughts.
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Sometimes, you simply aren't strong enough. And that's all right.
"No." He idly brushes his fingers through her hair, and places a kiss on her forehead. "You are not pathetic. We are always stronger together."
When she only had Jack, how difficult would it be to fight against his words? When it was all she ever heard? She thought she was doing the right thing. Then she learnt differently, and decided to see to it herself that it ended. All the while knowing it would cost her her life.
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"I wish I could see me like you see me."
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"I hope I can one day teach you to."
With enough time, enough words and kisses and touches, he hopes she can one day forgive herself for what she has done, decide that she too deserves a second chance to do better. And she shows time and time again that she wants to do better. One day, he hopes she will understand how much that matters.
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"I'll settle for having pretty hair like yours, in the meantime."
Because if nothing else, his smile did her wonders, it always did, knowing she made him happy. Reaching for a strand of his hair that had gotten so much longer than since she first met him, to draw it down and catch it between her upper lip and below her nose. Scrunching them both up to make it stay put. Like it was her own moustache. "Does it suit me?"
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The smile doesn't really comfort him, nor does her choice to start making jokes. But she looks pretty ridiculous, and he snorts in amusement, his lips spreading wide enough to bare teeth.
"It suits you wonderfully."
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"That makes sense. I don't think there is anyone better for me in the whole galaxy."
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But he will take the compliment, as he closes his eyes to enjoy her touch.
"How many people are there in a whole galaxy?"
It wouldn't surprise him if she actually had a number.
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"Is that a trick question?" She kisses him slowly, a nibbled, nuzzled thing where she catching his lower lip between hers to warm him as he did her before she falls back softly into the pillows with her hair around her head. "There are as many people in the galaxy as there are stars. An infinite, ever-expanding, ever-decreasing number. You can never put a number on it."
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"And you are prepared to dismiss them all?"
He shifts to follow her, to nuzzle into her hair as he wraps both an arm and a leg around her. Even if she seems happier, he will keep holding her, because that truly is the least he can do.
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But right now she just... does nothing but appreciate it. Let him hold her as tight as he wants, she just burrows and curls in right back. Rubbing her face into his neck and shoulder, letting her tail drape and wrap around his ankle as his leg curves over her.
"All of them. No matter what the universe gave me, I think I'd always pick you." She searched his gaze, not for some truth or answer, but simply to look at him, and just him. "You changed me. You made me believe it didn't... it didn't have to be like this. Just like Roland did. But... but I get to like who I am with you."
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"Then I'm glad." He pauses for a moment, as he bends down to rub his nose against hers. "I think I would pick you too."
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Even if Jacob had left her with a niggling doubt.
She's silent for a while, just watching him, tracing him, knowing him. Touching all that she can, in a way that for her of all people is particularly special.
Which in a predictable fashion that this is neither the time, nor place, ( if there ever could be one ), but the thought had stuck her for awhile. So it comes up like it always does with her. All at once. Meeting his gaze and not disentangling from him, just kept running her fingers through his hair. because in her mind, it really is just a question, and he probably wouldn't have had kissed her along with everything else if he felt one way over another about it.
"Connor..." She nibbles a second, contemplative. "Do you like guys too? Or just women?"
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He considers it for a moment, if only because it's not something he really has considered. Relationships have always been out of his reach, impossible because so much else has always occupied his time. He idly traces Angel's jaw with his fingertips, and shrugs.
"I have never fallen for a man, but that does not mean I couldn't."
Angel is essentially the first person he has ever been interested in like that, and now, she's the only one he really thinks about like that.
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But more personal than that. Angel nodded, following along with his answer. "You know it's okay, if you wanted too, right? Like if there was a guy, and you really want to... you know, with him? I don't mind, I'll never be bothered. Life in the galaxy is strange, so you should take the chances you get to do things you want to."
Except, somewhere underneath them, under the blankets, her tail twitched, a little flustered as something that rumbled in her chest. "I just... well, I want to come first with you, I know that much. Just let me know, if there is anyone else you might be serious about. That... other bit feels weird, sometimes. I mostly tell it to shut up, though, because it'd be hypocritical when I like men and women too."
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His first instinct is still to reassure her, but the next moment he realises that she's not selling herself short by telling him this. She's truly beginning to understand how important she is to him.
"Same to you," he says instead, because that only seems fair.
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But it is one, and she insists to herself, that's not nothing after the kind of day she's had.
"Ok. But, I'm really not joking about the monster bit. It really, really likes you, and it really, really gets clingy about that fact."
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As much as Angel tries to hide it, her body language tends to speak for itself, not to mention the few occasions she even growls. She couldn't have kept it from him if she tried.
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"It gets worse when my hunger gets bad. Or when I'm in animal form. It just doesn't trust anyone else near you... if I don't know them, anyway. It just wants to keep you safe with me, always, where I can... well I think mostly just lick your face and groom your hair" Though, she never considered that, "someone mentioned I look like a uhm... like a bull? Or a ... deer? Or something? That they like to be together in groups? Not that I think so, now that I've seen your Stag. He looked more like Nisha."
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"I would say you exhibit herd traits, yes."
Whether she looks like a herd animal or not, especially considering the reindire that she's claimed.
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But she supposed it made sense, that she wanted to be around people. Keep them safe. Keep them near, when she was never allowed to be near anyone.
"Well, as long as everyone knows you're mine, if not, I'll nip them." She clicked her teeth in a snap next to his ear. Joking, mostly. It's not like Connor ever invited anyone to touch him that he didn't want and that he wasn't really, that interested in sex unless he cared about a person.
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He huffs quietly in amusement with a shake of his head, and then leans in to nip her ear.
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"I love when you're on top of me. You're so warm and comfortable and heavy. It makes me feel so... Still." It's not deliberately teasing or suggestive, even if it's a whisper next to his ear. It's just how she feels, and that it is all she wants.
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"Perhaps I should lie on your more often."
Especially when she's having a bad day. He'll remember that.
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But no longer was she alone.
"I feel like this is going to backfire on me one day... but yes, definitely. You can't squish me too much, after all, my bones are denser than yours."
Here in lay the good thing about having a monster for a girlfriend: she was damn sturdy.
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So that sounds great to him. He sleeps better on top of her too, if only because he can bury his nose in that fur and it soothes any storm raging inside him and quiets any racing thoughts.
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