It took one look. One second to hear her name spoken by him in recognition, the look on his face like he was so sorry.
And she flung herself at him. Arms around his neck, face shoved into his shoulder as she cried. Sobbed and clutched to his jacket and held him until her arms ached from tense.
Because he was gone. At least from her. Months and months doing things together, like they never existed except in her memory. Reducing her to a wraith that crept ghost like around the small rooms. Terrified of seeing him and having to face the blankness in his expression.
It's not fair. He didn't do it on purpose and she isn't angry. He never would. But it didn't change the outcome. Alone and helpless - "I lost you." Terrified and rasping, she hiccuped it into his collar as her voice stuck in the back of her throat. "I lost you, and I didn't know if I'd get you back."
Maybe he doesn't need to do too much after all. He feels at once both relieved and sad. Relieved that he doesn't need to reassure her more, that she's finally letting out the sorrow that he can now remember seeing in her while he wasn't quite himself. Sad that this happened at all, that her heart was broken and it wasn't his fault, not really, but the guild buds in his chest anyway.
He holds onto her almost as tightly, one hand lifting to brush through her hair in soothing strokes. It's all right now. He's here. He can finally help her.
"I'm sorry," he whispers, even if it's not his fault, because he truly is.
Sorry that this happened at all, that she had to go through this. He thinks it might be better than being angry, when everyone still inhabiting this accursed colony has suffered. Whoever created the thing that stripped his memory is probably no longer here.
Angel nodded, hiding her face still against his chest and neck. She didn't blame him, she just missed him. Missed him so hard her whole body hurt. It was like wondering around missing a hand that she kept using to reach for. That he was the person she talked too, about everything. About how to help and fix things and how her day was. All of it.
"I didn't know if it would work. Those plants wouldn't give me a straight answer, I quizzed them for hours." her teeth grit, running her cheek against his shoulder as she tried to hold it together. She wasn't the one who had her head messed with this time. She had no business breaking down.
Pulling back, she reached to touch both his cheeks with her hands, smoothing over his face in affirmation. For one second it was like it had been one of her painfully real illusions, but for now, it was over. She was here, and he remembered her, and she'd take it.
"What about you? No side effects, no weird feelings, is everything there that you can tell? Can you see, hear taste, smell correctly? Have you done a motorfunction test? We should make sure there has been no nerve damage. It took me a whole day to put it back together, so we should take it slow and it's okay if it doesn't come easy. Then we should double check about your uhm, your special sight, make sure that's UN affected."
Her default state to powerless and fear: research, research, research.
No, this isn't right. She's doing that thing where she pushes everything down to focus on fixing, when he's not the one who was hurt. Yes, his head feels thick and sluggish, like it's trying to wade through mud, but he remembers who he is. He remembers that Charles Lee is dead, since a long time ago. He remembers that it has been years.
He's fine.
He puts his hands on hers, and gently pulls them down to cradle them against his chest.
She fixes a look at him. Flicking between his eyes, sudden and immediate. Terrified it'd go away again, he'd stare at her blankly like nothing happened. Biting her lip she tries to stick herself back together to some semblance of sensible. It worked, some what, his presence helped like it always did.
Tries then instead to ease the pain
"You didn't tell me you used to be a stubborn ass when people were trying to help you."
He huffs quietly in amusement, shaking his head as he leans forward to ... nip at her nose. Just a little bit. A pinch.
"Did I not tell you about my arguments with Achilles?"
They usually came down to one thing: He'd already decided how he wanted to do something and refused to listen to any warnings or other ideas. Maybe he would have found himself in trouble less often if he had. Whether things would have turned out better or worse, however, he wasn't going to reflect on. What's done is done.
Tear strained and sniffling, she can't help the little hiccuped scrunch of her nose as he nipped, a whine on her lips of Connor, don't tease, I'm messy.
"You told me you argued with him. That's not the same as being so stubborn I had to kick a wall in to make you listen to me for a second."
She leans over and nips him back, all things in equal measure.
"You should have seen your face though. You looked like your eyes were going to fall out of your head in surprise."
Well, he supposes she wouldn't know exactly how those arguments went. Achilles may not have had the physical strength to kick a wall in, but there was power in his voice that would probably sway many.
He smiles gently at the whine, and only makes a slight face when she returns the favour. It's only fair, after all.
"I'm sure I did."
He pushes himself up enough to take a seat next to her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head while at it, as he releases one of her hands but keeps holding onto the other.
She leans in - and as much as she wants to keep up her teasing banter with him, in a second she will to make sure - make sure he's okay. That he's back to himself. That's what matters most.
But for that second when he kisses her forehead, her eyes close, and she breathes out so slowly. He's there and he's okay. He wants to kiss her still, wants to hold her. It'd been easier if he'd just been gone. Then she wouldn't have to look at him and want to touch him, but have to stop every impulse and make it worse.
Her eyes close and her head tilts up. Her now free hand resting on his shoulder as she curls it up against his clothes, holding him tightly. The warmth of him, his heart beat loud in her ears again, soothing and settling through her.
"It was hell, Connor." She breathes out at last. As much as she could admit. "You were right there, and I couldn't talk to you. I couldn't ask you anything. You looked at me and..." she might as well have been a ghost in the shadow of their relationship that never was. Erased in a way not even Jack could divine to be so hurtful.
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no subject
And she flung herself at him. Arms around his neck, face shoved into his shoulder as she cried. Sobbed and clutched to his jacket and held him until her arms ached from tense.
Because he was gone. At least from her. Months and months doing things together, like they never existed except in her memory. Reducing her to a wraith that crept ghost like around the small rooms. Terrified of seeing him and having to face the blankness in his expression.
It's not fair. He didn't do it on purpose and she isn't angry. He never would. But it didn't change the outcome. Alone and helpless - "I lost you." Terrified and rasping, she hiccuped it into his collar as her voice stuck in the back of her throat. "I lost you, and I didn't know if I'd get you back."
no subject
Maybe he doesn't need to do too much after all. He feels at once both relieved and sad. Relieved that he doesn't need to reassure her more, that she's finally letting out the sorrow that he can now remember seeing in her while he wasn't quite himself. Sad that this happened at all, that her heart was broken and it wasn't his fault, not really, but the guild buds in his chest anyway.
He holds onto her almost as tightly, one hand lifting to brush through her hair in soothing strokes. It's all right now. He's here. He can finally help her.
"I'm sorry," he whispers, even if it's not his fault, because he truly is.
Sorry that this happened at all, that she had to go through this. He thinks it might be better than being angry, when everyone still inhabiting this accursed colony has suffered. Whoever created the thing that stripped his memory is probably no longer here.
no subject
"I didn't know if it would work. Those plants wouldn't give me a straight answer, I quizzed them for hours." her teeth grit, running her cheek against his shoulder as she tried to hold it together. She wasn't the one who had her head messed with this time. She had no business breaking down.
Pulling back, she reached to touch both his cheeks with her hands, smoothing over his face in affirmation. For one second it was like it had been one of her painfully real illusions, but for now, it was over. She was here, and he remembered her, and she'd take it.
"What about you? No side effects, no weird feelings, is everything there that you can tell? Can you see, hear taste, smell correctly? Have you done a motorfunction test? We should make sure there has been no nerve damage. It took me a whole day to put it back together, so we should take it slow and it's okay if it doesn't come easy. Then we should double check about your uhm, your special sight, make sure that's UN affected."
Her default state to powerless and fear: research, research, research.
no subject
No, this isn't right. She's doing that thing where she pushes everything down to focus on fixing, when he's not the one who was hurt. Yes, his head feels thick and sluggish, like it's trying to wade through mud, but he remembers who he is. He remembers that Charles Lee is dead, since a long time ago. He remembers that it has been years.
He's fine.
He puts his hands on hers, and gently pulls them down to cradle them against his chest.
"I'm all right. Let it take a day."
no subject
Tries then instead to ease the pain
"You didn't tell me you used to be a stubborn ass when people were trying to help you."
no subject
"Did I not tell you about my arguments with Achilles?"
They usually came down to one thing: He'd already decided how he wanted to do something and refused to listen to any warnings or other ideas. Maybe he would have found himself in trouble less often if he had. Whether things would have turned out better or worse, however, he wasn't going to reflect on. What's done is done.
no subject
"You told me you argued with him. That's not the same as being so stubborn I had to kick a wall in to make you listen to me for a second."
She leans over and nips him back, all things in equal measure.
"You should have seen your face though. You looked like your eyes were going to fall out of your head in surprise."
no subject
He smiles gently at the whine, and only makes a slight face when she returns the favour. It's only fair, after all.
"I'm sure I did."
He pushes himself up enough to take a seat next to her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head while at it, as he releases one of her hands but keeps holding onto the other.
no subject
But for that second when he kisses her forehead, her eyes close, and she breathes out so slowly. He's there and he's okay. He wants to kiss her still, wants to hold her. It'd been easier if he'd just been gone. Then she wouldn't have to look at him and want to touch him, but have to stop every impulse and make it worse.
Her eyes close and her head tilts up. Her now free hand resting on his shoulder as she curls it up against his clothes, holding him tightly. The warmth of him, his heart beat loud in her ears again, soothing and settling through her.
"It was hell, Connor." She breathes out at last. As much as she could admit. "You were right there, and I couldn't talk to you. I couldn't ask you anything. You looked at me and..." she might as well have been a ghost in the shadow of their relationship that never was. Erased in a way not even Jack could divine to be so hurtful.